This was me as a young child.

That’s a rattail, folks. My mom showed me this picture recently, and it triggered me.

Since birth, no one has ever told me to cut my hair.

Not family members.

Or bosses.

Or fellow co-workers.

Or some of my closest college friends.

Or other best college friends.

Even with added maturity, college friends after graduation didn’t tell me.

Daiquiri drinking partners didn’t have the heart to suggest a trim.

Or intramural college basketball teammates.

Or celebrities.

Or my future wife.

That makes family, friends, co-workers, celebrities and my wife.

Literally everyone I’ve come across in my life. Crickets.

Why?!?!?!!?!

A Great Clips Hair Artist never say anything for F’s sake. That’s literally their job. Everything could have been different. When I was 5, I asked to have my hair cut in a square (like the Fresh Prince). I was met with a blank stare, and Katarina cut my hair normally. Have a little professional pride.

When looking at the totality of this, the sheer amount of time covered (my whole life) and how heinous these pictures are, I’m more rattled than all the combined souls on the return flight from Vegas.

I need to work this out.

First off, my mom and dad aren’t to blame. They’re off the hook. If social media was around back then, I have faith my mom would have taken a pic, posted it on the ‘gram for #TailTuesday and cut it off. My dad obviously wasn’t going to say anything.

He still buys hats with more hair on top for fun.

But everyone else reading this who watched me brush the hair out of my eyes and said nothing, I need you to take a long look in the mirror, and I hope you’re bald.

Maybe no one told me to cut my hair because women and men alike enjoyed running their fingers through it?

Did I make people randy, baby?

I understand why co-workers and clients didn’t tell me. They knew how committed I was to the brands I worked for.

Did I surround myself with too many yes men?

Maybe I was a role model for the youth? (Another reason I can’t blame my dad. If this kid was/is my kid, I think his hair looks good.)

Did fellow college students snicker and enjoy calling me a curly-headed f### like in Step Brothers? I was a junior at the time the movie came out.

Is having sloppily long hair just part of growing up? Look at Rory McIlroy when he was younger.

Does he have bad friends too?

Would things have been different personally and professionally if I’d had a proper cut? (This is the only time in college I ever had relatively short hair, so you tell me.)

It’s said, “Not all who wander are lost”, so ultimately I think everything ended up how it was supposed to. It feels much better realizing that I need to cut my hair on my own. I feel like I can do anything now. I put an office chair together last week without even looking at the directions. I’m a better person now and moving forward. I’m going to ask family members for help on things I’m not sure about. I’m going to proactively provide wisdom to people who might need it but are scared to ask. I’m going to try and be the friend I want to see in the world.

After writing this out, I’m not mad at anyone, anymore. I take back my curse of baldness I wished upon the silent.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest through the trees. After this introspection, some reflection and searching through my entire library of memorable Facebook photos, I’ve clearly figured it out.

Or maybe I haven’t.

Maybe no one told me to cut my hair because I looked sexy as hell.