Talk about a fantasy team! Here’s a top five list of which NFL mascots are getting boinked the most. If you could use a furry refresh, Drama and Turtle break it down nicely here:

And now on to the list:

1.       Roary – Detroit Lions

Grab a life-preserver furries, you might drown in those eyes! Can you imagine trying to turn down those piercing blues and romance-novel hair while Florence and the Machine plays at the bar?! He also can drop some timely Katy Perry “Roar” jokes, and ever since the Lion King, lions have probably been kings of the ass jungle.

2.       Miles – Denver Broncos

He has lots of mile-high-club puns in his saddle, and the ‘ol hung like a horse thing clearly goes a schlong way. As Tara from SI Swimsuit eloquently explained to Busta Crime last Friday on Twitter, size does matter.

(Tara prefers Black Forest or German Chocolate cake no doubt.)

3.       KC Wolf – Kansas City Chiefs

Everyone’s she wolf takes over sometimes, and KC Wolf’s hips don’t lie. He also loves super-manning hoes, which is a particular set of skills the furries enjoy.

4.       Poe – Baltimore Ravens

Women that have sex with animals are probably into some dark poetry, and it looks like Ms. Maryland already has received an interpretive reading of Edgar Allen’s “The Raven.”

5.       Jaxson de Ville – Jacksonville Jaguars

Seems like an exhibitionist bro that’s very comfortable in his own fur,

and his open-mindedness has probably gotten him into some interesting situations.

NFL mascot that’s definitely a virgin:  

Yikes.

For a look at which NBA mascots have probably been slaying this off-season, click here.