I’ve threatened to call the police one time in my life. It was on Christmas, and I’d had enough.
Six months earlier, the city of Chicago had eaten my dumb phone (the blue Nokia brick with snake on it). I was now employed with a full-time job, so I figured losing that blue babe repellent was a huge blessing, and it was time to step up to an iPhone 4, and all of the apple-bottomed ladies sure to come with it.
It turned out I got them, but not exactly the kind I had in mind.
This cellular transition came with a new set of digits, which apparently the fine people of AT&T hadn’t kept out of the phone number rotation quite long enough, as I came to discover it used to be the phone number of a pimp. Or some sort of unsavory character (strip club owner or drug dealer, but my instincts say pimp).
It’s not 100% clear who my new number had previously belonged to, but what was clear were the text messages I received from women named “Tanza” and “Ambitious”, and phone calls that rang in from all over the country. Tanza and Ambitious texted me about once a month, but were especially active (and caring) around the holidays. Every Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter and Christmas they would send me thoughtful messages or inspirational quotes wishing me a blessed day. It was funny and nice at first, but on Christmas 2011, I lost it on Ambitious. “If you text me one more fucking time, I’m calling the cops. I don’t know you. I’ve asked you to stop texting. Stop it! This is your last warning.”
She responded immediately with something along the lines of, “I’m sorry. Please don’t call the cops and I’m done texting. Sorry again” Ambitious was out of my life forever.
I had forgotten all about this until last week. The hungry city of Chicago once again had eaten my phone, and my last iTunes phone backup was from February 2012 (n00b, I know). When I synced my new phone, a few texts from 2011 came back.
These were the only three pimp texts my ITunes backup saved. I wish there were more. I kinda miss these ladies. I hope Ambitious is doing ok now and can comfortably go to work using her real name. I think she is. Not only because her name is Ambitious, but because when I texted her back yesterday four years later, she didn’t respond.
