The answer is NO. Not under any circumstances. Based on principle. Men are bathing in Purel, talking about how manicures are great and wearing Lululemon gym shorts. The line has to be drawn somewhere. There’s a part in Brad Paisley’s song, I’m Still a Guy that goes something like,
“With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands, You can’t grip a tackle-box.” Every time I hear that lyric I think, “Damnit, Brad’s right. I need to go fishing more.”
That’s my initial gut reaction. What my instincts say about UGGs.
The only way I could ever see myself wearing UGGs was if they had a manly spokesperson that played football and then he got in trouble wrongfully and I needed to vehemently defend him through my every action, including footwear purchases. Wait a second.
I don’t love Tom Brady, but I respect him, and maybe he’s been right about Uggs all along. He’s shown pretty good judgment in picking a spouse and in the fourth quarter of Super Bowls, after all.
I’m not talking about the furry boots Flo Rida sang about. UGGs have evolved. Maybe it’s time we do as well. These shoes look pretty fresh.
If there was a swoosh on the back instead of those other fuggly letters these already would be shipping to my house.
I don’t really like that fact. This blog is called Big Balls Ideas. I should be able to give Madison Avenue the finger and say I’m going to buy these shoes because their good looking and comfortable. Tom Brady wears them with swag. Why couldn’t I?
I’d maybe be able to if it weren’t for two formative fashion incidents from my youth that have left me a little gun shy. The first was when I bought a metallic gold Green Bay Packers jacket in third grade that Miley Cyrus would have refused to wear at the VMAs. If Gold Member were my Dad, he would have woke up every day wishing he had pulled out. It was heinous. The second was when I bought some “shorts” from the GAP that had elastic draw strings at the knees you needed to tighten to make them shorts-length. Instead I wore them as capris thinking I was on the cutting edge of some new summer fashion trend. That went over great. 7th graders love new fashion trends that actually aren’t fashion trends. Scarred for life.
I guess I could buy these UGGs and worst case scenario wear them ironically for a laugh. They’re probably pretty chill in L.A. I needed a second opinion. I asked a guy I work with who’s from Boston what he thinks about UGGs. Is he more likely to support them because of Tom? “Well, yeah. I’ve also heard they’re wicked comfortable”
Well, now I have to do it. It’s also not fair that Deckers Outdoor Corp (the company that produces UGGs, NYSE: DECK) stock has dropped about 24 points down to $64.15 since the Deflate-gate accusations against the Patriots began.
I kind of want to buy them. For Tom. For comfort. For a few laughs. To show I’m not shackled by commercialism and what people think of brands that are actually just letters and symbols. How does it feel to have them in my cart?
Horrible. Can’t do it. A line has to be drawn. I can’t cross it, Tom. Fuckin’ cheater.