We’ve all been there. I was there yesterday. I told myself all day I was going to the gym after work. Going to blast some pecs, do some planks and hit the treadmill eyeing a personal best thanks to some new fist pumping bangers on my Spotify “Not in My House” EDM playlist. I have a wedding I should be tightening up for. Then I busted out some Sriracha Lime pretzel crisps (have you guys tried those?!), spread some pepper cheese dip on them and Snap-chatted a pic of my delicious snack with the new cheese emoji. Fuck it. Crunch, crunch, diiip. I’m not working out today. Do we have any beef sticks left? I’m exhausted and have another big today tomorrow. Crunch, crunch, diiip. My mom always said burning the candle at both ends was dangerous. You’re right mom. I’ll catch up on Chicago P.D., go to bed early and work out even harder tomorrow. Working out at half speed because I’m tired isn’t worth it, right?

I’ve left approximately 10 million burned calories slip into the rationalized, blubbery, procrastination abyss. I’m done turning the temp down in my apartment to feel thinner. I have the same hours in the day as Beyonce damnit! I need to be done with this.

Actually, I was done yesterday. I told Sergeant Voight and Sophia Bush I was going to have to hang out with them another day. The lion emoji is better than you cheese. I went to the gym because I have a few motivational tricks up my sleeve that hopefully will help you get to the gym when you don’t feel like it too. I want to share them with you.

Eat beef sticks

Ever eat beef sticks and then need to be gangster and flick your nose with your thumb? “Holy cats I have to wash my hands!”. The smell is horrible. Makes you feel like you need to go to confessional and be re-baptized. Next time it’s delt day and your couch ‘s throw pillows are giving you the come hither finger, eat a beef stick for protein, feel disgusted with yourself and tell those pillows your back is getting toned for them.

And if you want to stay up to date with the best beef sticks in the game, sign up for Jake’s Country Meats email newsletter.

Walk home or to the gym on a route where you pass a babe model ad

Preferably with a model that looks like a normal person just living her life. Like this woman I see walking into the gym I play basketball at once in a while.

She’s just being responsible and stretching so she can walk up the small flight of stairs at her PR office tomorrow without lactic acid causing soreness in her hammys. Makes getting crazy fit seem ho-hum. That’ll get me to the 20-minute mark on the treadmill no problem. (I might even try those rowing machines out!)

I once watched the movie 300 on a Saturday before potentially going for a run just said forget it. What’s the point? I might as well go to the Jewel on the corner, buy a six pack of buns and try to make everyone laugh.

Go look at section of your closet title “hope”

Here’s mine:

All of these shirts are juuuuust slightly too small to be acceptably worn in public without girlfriends of bros passing by whispering, “Now that’s too tight. That cute deep v I was trying to convince you to buy last week wasn’t that bad. You’d still look cute in ittttt.” Creating a “hope” section of your closet is pretty easy these days given how often we all online shop (#GuiltyAsCharged). It’s much easier to simply say I’m going to lose ten pounds and look great in that slim fit than send it back for store credit. Also, having 5+ shirts in my “hope” closet section feels a little bit like the young boy putting up missing posters for his dog around the neighborhood when dad already knows Rufus got hit by a Honda, but I still believe.

Buy a new belt

I just bought a new belt, which previously occurred potentially sometime in college for a job fair. It felt amazing. What a jolt of pep in my step. However, I didn’t wear it for a few weeks until all the ab machine curls could kick in and I could move done to the second hole from the end. I couldn’t have a muffin top ruining my new Tiger belt’s shine!

Try it out. You’ll see what I mean.

On the walk to the gym, listen to these three songs in order

• Tim McGraw: Live Like You Were Dying

• Jessica Simpson: Irresistible

• Britney Spears: Work Bitch

Here’s the thinking behind this. You start with Tim McGraw and feel something. An emotional bodily awakening. “I can’t believe I was going to waste this precious day on the couch. I wish I could go fishing with my best friend, but I at least should work out and not be a slob. YOLO.”

Then you move onto Jessica Simpson’s Irresistible for a reality check. You need to make the gym irresistible. This song is when Jessica Simpson was at the peak of her powers – musically and sex appeal-wise. We’ve all seen the photos of a les svelte Jess in later years. This song should serve as a reminder that if it can happen to her, it can happen to anyone. Tricep dips > Cheese dips. Let’s go.

Now that the mental foundation is set and you feel some motivation tingling into your bi’s, it’s time to ramp it up and get down to brass tacks. Hot Body. Maserati. “I want those things! Sit-ups bitch!”

Hopefully these tips help. One step closer to #FitFam. But if you still end up on the couch, BBI has your back with ways to feel thinner without working out.